U2 should perform in the Roman Colosseum.
This is something I have decided. I had this epiphany while we were in Rome earlier this year. As you can see, this stage is perfectly designed for such an historic concert peopled by a Bonothirsty crowd.
Sure, you would have some logistical hurdles: zoning laws, noise pollution tariffs, construction permits, trafic re-routing committees, international visa thingamajiggies, angry protestors and outcries from European history professors all over the world, not to mention plenty of palms to grease and politicians to shmooze. But I'm sure it could be done. Paul McGuinness, U2's manager, is up to the task. It's time to set things in motion.
Here it is: the grainy blue spotlight panning back and forth where the lions used to pace in the stadium. Or Bono crouching down on the edge of a gladiator pit, where bones were crunched long ago. Or amplifiers stacked on top of each other, sharing the limelight with ancient megaliths and cranking out decibels for the greater Rome area. Or, and this is a good one, the rosary of the late John Paul II swinging from Bono's microphone, right over the place where martyrs made their bones.
We might have to forego the massive claw, though. That would be too much. Not sure what that is anyway. The paraphernalia of Zoo TV made more sense than that claw, but whatever.
The point is, this could happen. Hire an Olympics committee. Do the math. Get your people to the boot of Italy. Also, shoot emails to Beyoncé, Jay-Z and Kanye West, all of whom you know would back the historic cause for a piece of the action. You could donate your share, U2, to The One Campaign to get those history purists off your back. Don't they know history is "past plus present?"
By the way, didn't recently ousted Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, just cut an album entitled True Love? (Yes, it's no joke. He used to sing on cruise ships, I think). You could promise him the opening act. Of course, you'd have to drop him at the last minute, given all of the corruption charges and lawsuits and the Italian economy in shambles, but it could get your foot back into area politics. And the beauty of this is, Bono, you've already partied with Berlusconi at George Clooney's villa at Lake Como. And if he isn't your cup of tea, just invite the new Italian Premier, Mario Monti, to Clooney's pad for a photo op with tigers on the porch. He could give you fresh access to the levers of power in Rome.
Just think, "Peace on Earth, "Vertigo" and "Sunday Bloody Sunday" in the same arena where St. Augustine's friend, Alypius, got swept up in the passions of a bloodthirsty crowd, as chronicled in Book VI of Confessions, before he found God and stopped the nonsense. The Edge could pay homage to Alypius with a new guitar solo. Surely that's worth a few guitar licks.
Tell me Larry Mullen Jr. wouldn't love pounding the skins in the seat of the Old World. Tell me he isn't bored out of his goard drumming "Pride (in the Name of Love)" in the same old arenas in the same old cities. The same for Adam Clayton's thumping bass. They never get to do the fun stuff.
What a welcome jolt to the local economy! Such an historic event could unite the Left and the Right, shore up banker support for an over-leveraged country and save the European Union. The Germans and the French would agree to assume all outstanding debt. Standard & Poor would upgrade everyone's credit to AAA. The U.S. markets would respond. Jobs would be created and the spike in consumer spending would boost our G.D.P., and the Federal Reserve would respond by boosting interest rates, which seems like a bad thing but is really a sign of a healthy economy, and we will pay off our credit card to the Chinese without having to refinance with Costa Rica.
Yes, this would be a great thing. Headlines all over the world: U2 Performs in the Roman Colissium, wrapped in a bundle and thrown onto your doorstep. Zipped over the wires. It's as simple as that.
The thing is, my wife Christa and I probably wouldn't be able to afford the tickets and everything else attached to them. Besides, it would be wasteful. I would have to YouTube it, which is kind of like kissing your sister. Don't you hate it when reality crashes in on your dreams? I'll settle for a reboot of the global economy instead.
